TTL & Immutable Memories
I thought I'd take a detour from the usual type of writing on this blog and write something a little different this time; despite the title, this post is very much non-technical in nature, and more of a reflection on some things that have been on my mind in recent times. Rather than a specific, significant event transpiring these thoughts, it is more of a culmination of various experiences I have lived, which are now due for some introspection.
Time to Live (TTL)
"Nothing lasts forever." is a rather common quote we hear, and yet I noticed a tendency of myself to casually glaze over the meaning of those words whenever I encounter them. As I grow older, more and more phases of my life passing by, it dawns upon me how the people, experiences and environments that I took for granted, thinking "It will be like this for a long time yet" in the moment, eventually do reach their expiry.
I believe that this TTLNote
In Computer Science, Time to Live (TTL) is the amount of time that data is allowed to exist in a computer or network.
applies to everything in our lives, just at different scales. Our childhood, our relationships, our homes, and even our own selves, eventually will be swept through the cracks of time. The relationship with an acquaintance flutters by with nary a glance from us, while that with family may feel like a never-ending stream; and yet, one day, there is and will be a finality, one which we will be utterly incapable of preventing despite any intervention from us.
Perhaps to some (or many) people, this is such a morbid thought that they would rather avert their eyes and forget about it. To me, however, these thoughts are less of something to be avoided, but rather something for us to reflect and learn about our reality and our own humanity.
Immutable Memories
Reminiscing the past leaves a sort of bittersweet aftertaste in me; the joy from celebrating what happened, and the melancholy from knowing the moment has passed. While I wish some things could stay the same and some things did not happen, reality is not one that yields to the whim of any individual or entity.
So rather than sinking in longing or despair, I would like to instead believe that those memories have shaped who I am, and who I will be; they have become a core part of myself. And as I think about the good times and the bad times, the feelings shift from joy/melancholy to that of appreciation and gratitude. Even after the TTL of the actual entity has expired, they remain immutable in my memories, and in history, that it really happened.
It is up to us to come to terms with it, and chart our next course over the horizon. If I cannot change reality, I will make peace with it. If I cannot change my humanity, I will embrace it.
The Present
I think holding these notions of life's transcience helps to reorientate how we view the current and the now; in some subtle ways, it pushes us to do certain things which we normally may not. Even so, it is not particularly easy. More often than not, inertia drags us back into the old ways of thinking and doing; we all have certain values or considerations that we are beholden to, be it in work, relationships, or even hobbies.
And those things tend to oppress us back into the old and the familial. We may feel that many of those are external (i.e. "It's not my fault! The world is working against me."), but truly, the final decision still lies with us in the end, and our fear of the unknown or consequences end up shaping our decisions. Sometimes, our biggest hurdles are truly self-imposed. Hence it is all the more paramount that we reflect, and strive to grow against the machinations of our own minds which may deter change.
As I reflect with this post, it is my hope that this short little introspection (and a little too abstract, I must admit) will help to deviate just a little bit more from what we are used to, to bring a little more excitement and joy to life, to our relationships, and to our goals.
Finally, to whoever might be reading this: I hope you will be able to make full use of your TTL, and create immutable memories you will be proud to keep close to the heart. From one human to another, good luck.
Min
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